I love the blue sky

Saturday, June 07, 2008
Excuse Me, Are You A Freemale?

The world has yet another label for a fast-growing breed of urban species on planet Earth - the Freemale, a by-product of a modern society.

You know you're a freemale when...

1) the idea of getting married brings you out in a cold sweat.
2) you go to bed in a facemask and socks.
3) your impressive collection of newly bought shoes is not hidden away at the back of the wardrobe.
4) the lid of your lavatory is always down.
5) you have a female friend listed as next-of-kin.
6) all of your best male friends are gay.
7) the only man who tells you what to do in your bathroom is your plumber.
8) the only thing that needs looking after in your life is your cat - and yourself.
9) the only time you read the lonely hearts column is for a laugh.
10) you pity smug mums in TV ads sniffing laundry and gushing about freshness.
11) you've never been speed dating - but you're an ace at the karaoke machine.
12) before going on a (rare) date, you book an appointment not with your hairdresser but a counsellor.
13) you buy your own jewellery.
14) your holiday first aid kit is full of hangover cures, rather than Calpol.
15) you haven't lost touch with all your friends.
16) you're not waiting for Mr Right - or even Mr Right Now.

Here is an article I found on the Internet on the Freemale.

Why boy-meets-girl doesn't always mean happily ever after
Published Date: 04 June 2008
By Maggie Stratton

Jane Austen had it right when she said that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. And woe betide any woman of the Austen era who didn't have the good fortune to become a wife.

But should there be any appetite left for an updating of Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion or the like, any 21st century interpretation would have some very different social realities to address. The 2008 Mr Bingleys in want of a wife would, according to the latest statistics, have to contend with growing numbers of single women in possession of their own good fortune, career and comfortable lifestyle, who have no desire to give up their independence.

This new breed of woman has been labelled the Freemale – a woman who is happily asserting that life can be good without a man.

While Austen heroines like Anne Elliot may have found themselves faded and thin and feeling that life had passed them by if they got to 27 and were still unwed, increasing numbers of female singletons of today are confident and happy in their social status. A new report shows that the number of single women aged 25 to 44 has more than doubled in the past 20 years from 18 to 38 per cent.

Figures released by the Office For National Statistics also show we are seeing the lowest marriage rates on record (since 1895) with only 275,140 weddings last year, four per cent lower than the previous 12 months and hugely down on the 1972 peak of 480,285. One in three divorced men may be cohabiting, but only a quarter of women are doing so, and there is a much lower rate of remarriage among the female population.

Until recently such statistics would prompt visions of Bridget Jones drowning her sorrows in a three-unit glass of Chardonnay.

Hollywood may still cling to the age-old ideals and clichés of romantic comedies, but increasing numbers of stars are publicly rejecting the idea that happily-ever-after only ever follows girl-meets-boy.

But social commentators are noting the demise of the stigma of spinsterdom. They say the concept of being single simply by virtue of being left on the shelf is, apparently, becoming a thing of the past. A-list stars like Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston are among the freemale icons.

Fans of The Apprentice will also recall that Sir Alan Sugar's protégés' suggestion of a National Singles' Day to create a new greeting card market prompted orders of 22,500 cards from major retailers.

Paula Hall, a psychotherapist and counsellor for Relate, says some women are weighing the disadvantages of being single against those of being in a couple.

"It is certainly my experience that, while there are still downsides to being single, they are preferable to the pressures that come with couple relationships and the stresses of having to deal with another person and with their differences," she said.

Hall says the increased independence of women has helped to improve their social status and decrease the stigma of being single.

She sees growing numbers of women who, she says, have established successful single lives.

But because there are increasing numbers of women juggling successful careers, financial independence and great social lives, surely it's difficult to know whether their single status is something they choose, rather than simply a by-product of not having found the right partner? Are they really making a positive decision against long-term relationships? Would finding Mr Right spoil it all?

"I think the freemale does exist, and I think it is something that is getting bigger and will continue to do so," says Hall.

"But I think most of the women I see would want to be in a long-term relationship and for the vast majority that is plan A. But for most it (being single) is a not a bad plan B," Hall adds.

Paula Hall's opinion is reflected in that of Dr Jan Macvarish, a sociologist from the University of Kent, who has spent a number of years researching the lives of single women aged 35 to 50.

She agrees that it has become more socially acceptable for women to stay single for longer, but she believes the so-called freemale life is a consumer lifestyle and one enjoyed and desired predominantly by younger generations, particularly among educated women in managerial and professional jobs.

By the time they reach mid-30s, she believes women are focused more on their lives rather than just "lifestyles", and from then onwards being single is not necessarily the preferred option.

"Today there is less pressure to be married or to be a mother by a certain age," says Macvarish.

"Women in their twenties and early thirties are delaying marriage and having children, but I think most women at some point step back onto the relationship conveyor belt and want to find a partner."

But her research into singleness shows that in reality and for various reasons, women's experience shows that it's much more difficult to find a serious romantic partner by the time they reached mid to late thirties. Maybe as we get older as independent females who are answerable only to ourselves, we also become more fussy.

"I think people have very high expectations of relationships," says Dr Macvarish. But when women do change their tune and decide to buy back into relationships, there is comfort in the fact that there are still more single men than women.

The bad news is that single men are more likely to be poorer and less well educated than single women.

Here's my take: If this is the kind of lifestyle a woman chooses to lead for now or the rest of her life, she has to be prepared to face some possible regrets later as she grows older. There is no turning back. Some will feel sorry eventually, others will not. For most people, it's all about the pursuit of happiness.

Let's just do away with the labels, shall we?

jOyZ blogged at 6:30 PM

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