I love the blue sky

Sunday, November 25, 2007
Confined Freedom

Alright. I admit it. I have a second blog. I'm not going to say where. It's the only private space I have in cyberspace, where everything is far too opened.

Why don't I just write a diary then? You know, like use my hand and a pen to scribble my thoughts and feelings on a page in a pretty-looking book.

Well, for one, my room is an absolute mess. I don't need an extra book to mess it up any further (although I did think one extra book wouldn't make much of a difference). Then, there's the danger of my parents nosing around in my room too much and chancing upon the precious secret book. They'd faint upon reading the contents and language. HAH. (Hey, teachers are as human as anyone else on earth.)

Actually I used to write my diary entries in a book, but it became such a hassle to keep it out of my nosy parents' sight - and reach. They already have this annoying habit of opening my mails without my permission and/or knowledge. Also, writing was physically draining on my poor hand, especially when I had tonnes to pour out. But I must say it did wonders to calm my nerves later on. Whatever pent-up frustrations I bore would dissipate fast because I wrote with such vigour that you could actually feel the prints of my handwriting on many pages after the ones I'd scrawled on.

A few years ago, some people had the ingenious idea of developing web-logging (which later became the term 'blogging') sites among other things, where Internet users could express themselves freely. In 2003, I decided to pick up my diary-writing again with the use of Blogger.com. I thought it was a really cool idea to share my daily life with the world (whoever would be interested enough to read my entries, that is). It was also a good way to keep my friends updated on what had been going on in my life. At the same time, it served as some kind of record on how I've lived my life and how much or little I've changed. Most importantly, blogging has helped preserve my sanity in this fast-paced society. I could type my frustrations and unhappiness away. It's actually a lot faster to type than scribble my thoughts on a page.

Unfortunately, the very quality that makes Internet such a huge success is giving rise to controversies in the freedom of expression. The Internet is for all to access. How is it possible to prevent some cad from reading your online diary? I don't mind friends, ex-pupils, strangers and even my bosses reading my entries, but what motives do they have and what are they going to do with the information they know about me? If I'm going to get stoned for making a negative but true remark about, say, some high-ranking hot shot, what freedom of expression is there on the Internet?

I've come across blog entries where my pupils criticised me and called me unpleasant names. The first few times it happened, I was extremely bothered by it. All the efforts I put into helping my pupils were being disregarded and, worse still, trampled on. However, I quickly learnt that more often than not, those were just words of angst and ignorance. I don't feel as upset as before when I read blogs like that now. To say I feel completely A-okay is a lie. Who wouldn't be upset with insulting criticisms? But I've learnt to take a step backward and use the piece of information more constructively in helping my pupils.

How true indeed is the saying, "With freedom comes great responsibility." Anyone has the freedom to type anything on the Internet, but one has to be able to shoulder the consequences that result from that free expression. Can we take responsibility for what we've blogged about? What seems like a harmless comment to us doesn't necessarily evoke the same feeling in another.

To be honest, it has become very difficult for me to share my true thoughts and feelings without having to fear I wouldn't get crucified. I have to select words and phrases that are more diplomatic. I can't even blog about what made me really miserable at work. (Remember reading my entries about my painful marking duties? Those are merely the tip of the iceberg.) Otherwise, I have to make my entry look senseless to readers, which I abhor immensely. Because of my poor memory, I may not remember - many years later when I revisit my older blog entries - what the riddled entry was referring to.

At work, teachers have also been advised and cautioned against blogging anything that may incur anyone's wrath, especially when we're supposed to be role models to our pupils. It's tiresome enough in reality when it comes to human relations. We don't need the extra burden to mess up our lives any further. (Hm, doesn't that sound familiar?) Of course, now that blogging sites offer the very useful feature of locking entries, one can keep one's online journal concealed from the eyes of another.

Still, it's such an irony. Our freedom to express our true thoughts and feelings is confined to ourselves, and at most people we trust. Otherwise, we suffer the piercing thrusts of the dagger!

jOyZ blogged at 10:33 AM

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